BLOCKCHAIN FEDERATION ★ STATE MEME PRESS ★ FORM 88-A
APPROVED FOR PUBLIC VIEWING ★ NO OBJECTIONS ★ SERIES POOTIN
OFISHAL PORTAL OF THE PREZIDENT CA: AFTER LAUNCH
BREAKING: PREZIDENT SIGNS HISTORIC DECREE ON DIGITAL CURRENCY★ GREEN CANDLE DECLARED NATIONAL SYMBOL★ MINISTRY OF HODL REPORTS: NOBODY SOLD★ JEET ACTIVITY DOWN 40% THIS QUARTER★ WEATHER: SUNNY, WITH CHANCE OF PUMP★ BREAKING: PREZIDENT SIGNS HISTORIC DECREE ON DIGITAL CURRENCY★ GREEN CANDLE DECLARED NATIONAL SYMBOL★ MINISTRY OF HODL REPORTS: NOBODY SOLD★ JEET ACTIVITY DOWN 40% THIS QUARTER★ WEATHER: SUNNY, WITH CHANCE OF PUMP★

PREZIDENT
POOTIN

Ofishal Portal of the Blockchain Federation

“It is done. I have signed it.” — The Prezident, upon signing Decree No. 1

TICKER: $POOTIN  ·  CA: [paste contract address]  ·  ISSUED ON PUMP.FUN
Official portrait of Prezident Pootin THE PREZIDENT · OIL ON BLOCKCHAIN
CLASSIFICATION: PUBLIC — THE FEDERATION HAS NOTHING TO HIDE (ALLEGEDLY)

By order of the Prezident

The Decree

final_final_v2.pdf — do not edit — V.P.

REGISTERED: STATE ARCHIVE · VOL. I · PAGE 1 OF 1

DECREE № 1

On Digital Currency and Diamond of Hand

Adopted unanimously. There was no vote.
Article 1Digital currency is hereby recognized, regulated, and deeply respected.
Article 2All citizens shall hold with diamond of hand. Paper of hand is administrative offense (see Form 88-B).
Article 3Selling before migration constitutes treason against the Federation. Selling after migration constitutes disappointment of the Federation.
Article 4FUD shall be reported to nearest Ministry. Anonymous reports are accepted, encouraged, and rewarded with nothing.
Article 5The chart shall only be observed with pride. Zooming out is mandatory. Zooming in is forbidden.
Article 6This decree enters into force immediately, retroactively, and forever.
V. Pootin
V. POOTIN — PREZIDENT, BLOCKCHAIN FEDERATION
MINISTRY OF TRUTHFUL CHARTS ★ FEDERATION ★ APPROVED NO OBJECTIONS
TOP SECRET*not secret. please share.
The Prezident approaches STATE TELEVISION · LIVE · THE PREZIDENT APPROACHES
INTERNAL MEMO · DO NOT LEAK The Prezident has requested a bigger pen for future decrees. The Ministry of Pens has been notified. The Ministry of Pens does not exist yet. It does now.

Televised · All channels · Simultaneously

Address to the Nation

Citizens. Today is historic day. For many years, they tell us crypto is wild west. I say: no more. I take pen. I sign law. Now it is wild east, and everything is official.

Some ask me, “Prezident, why you sign?” I answer with question: why you not hold? In Federation, we do not chase pump. We appreciate. Officially. With paperwork.

To the jeets I say only this: we know who you are. The Ministry has list. The list is long, but so is our patience. Return to the floor. All is forgiven. Mostly.

The candle is green. The nation is strong. Glory to the Federation.

Organs of the State

The Ministries

DEPT. 01

Ministry of Hodl

Ensures no citizen sells. Ever. Operates entirely on trust and mild intimidation.

Compliance: 100% (self-reported)
DEPT. 02

Ministry of FUD Defense

Neutralizes fear, uncertainty and doubt at the border, before it reaches the timeline.

FUD neutralized this week: 1,204 units
DEPT. 03

State Committee of the Bonding Curve

Monitors the curve around the clock. The curve is good. The curve has always been good.

Migration status: inevitable
DEPT. 04

Ministry of Meme Production

Exceeds quota every five-year plan. Quality control performed by laughing, or not.

Output: 340 memes / day

Pursuant to Article 1

State Register of Approved Exchanges

Maintained by the Federal Service of Places Where Trading Is Allowed

Registry №VenueCapital req.Status
0001pump.funVibes✔ APPROVED
0002[redacted]Too much✘ DENIED
0003Cousin's exchangeFamilyPENDING SINCE 2021

Applications for additional venues are reviewed annually, rejected biannually.

Instruction No. 3 · Simplified procedure

How to Become a Citizen

Acquire $POOTIN

Report to the approved venue (see Register). Present nothing. Receive citizenship instantly. Bureaucracy has never moved this fast and never will again.

Hold

Do not ask questions. Questions are for the Ministry. The Ministry is closed.

Report FUD to authorities

Upon reporting, receive the gratitude of the nation. The gratitude of the nation is not redeemable.

Cleared for publication

Press Office

BULLETIN 047 · 10:01 PM

Prezident appreciates chart for several minutes in complete silence. Aides describe mood as “green.”

BULLETIN 046 · 6:12 PM

Official statement: there is no dump. There has never been a dump. The archive confirms.

BULLETIN 045 · 9:00 AM

Federation reserves remain fully unruggable, announces Ministry of Finance (of Memes). Independent verification welcomed, then filed.

STATE WEATHER SERVICE
☀

Sunny. Chance of pump: 38%. Chance of rug: 0%, as audited by nobody.